I found myself sitting on a thick mat, bedded in the sheets that originally came with this room. I had just washed them the other day after having Alex over. I made this little nook adjacent to my actual bed; in case I had a friend over or wanted a place to work or nap. But to even have a little nook in my room like this was a blessing on it's own. I feel like I live in such a big room for New York. I was always used to something much smaller and crowded. It was mid-day. A beautiful day and there I was facing my laptop. I was to finish editing a project for a friend of mine, but the video wasn't to render for another 10 minutes. I brought my stiffly hunched back to a crouch and as I stood up, I took what felt like a very rewarding breath of air decorated with the scent of rich maple syrup and caramelized sugar lightly drizzled on roasted pumpkin and toasted nut or at least that's what the candle read. I stretched my way over to the vanity and stared at what I was for a moment. 23. Making a living and doing what she loves. Not making a living by doing what she loves but that should come in time. God-willing of course. I wasn't taking a moment for granted. I also wasn't getting enough rest. Why did I neglect myself of this? Well, as it turns out, caffeine works remarkably as intended. It will even work it's way into late nights and snoozing to wake up at the very last moment before knowing you'll be late to work. There's a tired-thinking where one will consider 300 more seconds of sleep but sacrifice ease in many ways. Telling yourself in a tiredly narrated voice that "you should still get there on time- if and only if you rush like your life depends on it".
See, I can't do that anymore. I'll likely need more rest if I am to functionally work 3 jobs in this city. Either that or limit my caffeine intake. I took a moment to meditate. The delirium I was experiencing from the lack of rest aided the meditation so well that I fell asleep. This was a new way of life. I'd have to start making rest a priority. Upon waking, I began to breathe more consciously. To center my thinking and familiarize myself with the way I was functioning in this body so graciously given to me. A friend of mine had visited me at work earlier that day with an invitation to St. Mary's Church. I knew I could make time for it when Sunday rolled around, so I am now expected to attend. I hope the sermon brings my soul the peace it seeks and with that, I bid you a good week.
